Austin 3:15: NFL kickoff did not disappoint; lots of college football upsets; Phillies Karen WTF

It's pretty clear after one week that 1) Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson will be MVP front-runners again and 2) the Bills and Ravens are the dominant AFC teams. Speaking of dominance, there was an absurd amount of FBS teams scoring 70+ this weekend. And speaking of absurd, "Phillies Karen" can never again show her face in public again after going viral for all the wrong reasons.

Author

Austin Krueger
September 08, 2025

15 WEEKEND HEADLINES. 15 BOTTOM LINE THOUGHTS. 15 WORDS OR LESS.

Top Story

Bills overcome impossible odds to take out the Ravens 41-40 in a week one AFC Championship game preview

1) Instant. Classic. Josh and Lamar (and King Henry) are superhuman freaks. WHAT A GAME.

NFL

“Vintage Rodgers” returns, slings four touds to tie career best opening week touchdown mark

2) Rodgers + swagger = back. And damn it’s fun watching him sling it like a kid again

The Green Bay Packers beat the living hell out of a very good Detroit Lions team

3) The defense? STIFLING. The offense? FIRING. The Lions? Missing Ben Johnson and Aaron Glenn BADLY.

Justin Fields in New York Jets debut looked maybe the best he ever has

4) Uh oh, someone mighta figured out accuracy and learned how to process

And with the first overall pick in the 2026 NFL Draft, the Miami Dolphins select..

5) That Tua contract is aging like milk and Tyreek is pissed. How are fans doing?

Has Kenneth Walker lost the RB1 job to Charbonnet in Seattle?

6) Charbs had two more carries, took goalline work + scored, better YPC, and a great blocker

Daniel Jones might be… awesome? This has to be Andrew Luck undercover

7) Colts Daniel Jones looks like a legit NFL quarterback that makes big time throws. WTF

NCAA

Five teams scored 70+ in college football this weekend, an FBS single day record

8) Teams are still signing up to get players’ asses kicked to pad the bank account

FBS Oversight Committee voted in favor of a one-time-only, 10 day transfer portal

9) The spring portal is gone. Honestly, something needed to happen to improve player movement rules

#17 SMU blows a 14-point lead to lose in double OT to unranked Baylor

10) Fraud alert, perhaps? Baylor QB Sawyer Robertson was carving Mustangs into jerky all day

Mississippi State takes advantage of coaching blunder to upset #12 Arizona State 24-20

11) Just horrendous coaching with :41 left, up three, to send five with no deep man

South Florida upsets #13 Florida 18-16; lands at #18 after defeating two top-25 teams

12) AND Florida paid USF $500k for the game. Bulls vs #5 Miami next. We’ll be watching

MLB

Phillies Karen commits “social suicide”; goes absurdly viral for demanding a ball back from a kid.

13) Pathetic work that deserves harsh critics. Awesome that Phily hooked up the kid up after

SF Giants fans reach boiling point over Bob Melvin’s continued incompetence

14) Giants appear held back by Melvin’s inability to make a proper, sensible decision

NBA Hall of Fame inductions headlined by Carmelo Anthony, Dwight Howard, and Maya Moore

15) If you also remember watching Melo’s dominant run at ‘Cuse, congrats you’re old

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