Texas and Penn State fall to unranked; Ravens code red panic mode; MLB divisional round in full swing

15 WEEKEND HEADLINES. 15 BOTTOM LINE THOUGHTS. 15 WORDS OR LESS.

Top Story

Texas Longhorns become the first preseason #1 ranked team to fall out of the AP Top 25 in 14 years

1) Arch is bad. Let’s be very clear. The Manning nepotism hype fooled us all.

NFL

It’s code red panic mode time for the Ravens after getting blown out by the one win Texans 44-10 without Lamar.

2) A defense that couldn’t get any worse, got worse. Offseason blow up incoming.

Eagles try to please AJ Brown and instead chalk up their first loss after the Broncos wipe out a 14-point deficit to claim the 21-17 victory

3) How the hell does Saquon only get six carries? Vibes are dead with AJ Brown.

The Patriots go on the road and hand the Bills their first loss 23-20. Drake Maye has his “to be the man, you gotta beat the man” game and it looks like the Patriots have another great one at QB...

4) Maye continues to impress at an MVP level and outdueled Allen. Stefon Diggs revenge game.

Cardinals fumble away 21-6 fourth quarter lead, not once, but twice, to gift the Titans their first win

5) Arizona paired the two most brutal fourth quarter fumbles imaginable. Harrison Jr. is good again.

The Bengals’ Jake Browning experience is going worse than worst case scenario and the Bengals offense remains pitiful in 37-24 loss to Detroit; Brownings tosses three more interceptions

6) The Bengals continue to sit on their hands at QB and shit away the season.

Vikings soil Dillon Gabriel’s impressive first start for the Browns, but Minnesota had a crucial field goal attempt blocked by, yes, a camera wire; refs never notice, no rekick

7) Dillon Gabriel was an obvious upgrade for Cleveland and let’s get this wire a contract.

WTF story: Mr. Butt Fumble aka former Jets QB Mark Sanchez got drunk, pulled a dude out of his truck over a parking dispute, started beating him up, then in a turn of events got stabbed by the dude and sent to the hospital. Eventually arrested.

8) Hope everyone’s all good and hopefully Mark has his resume and LinkedIn updated.

NCAA

Penn State gets shit pumped by winless UCLA and falls unranked for the first time in three years after starting as the preseason #2 ranked team; QB Drew Allar’s draft stock continues to plummet

9) So James Franklin can’t beat the best teams or the worst ones. Scalding hot seat.

Unranked Cincinnati takes out #14 Iowa State thanks to 31-point first half; take out Cyclones 38-30 after almost blowing it in the end

10) Bearcats running back Tawee Walker had the truck stick of the year. NIGHT NIGHT!

FCS quarterback Taron Dickens of Western Carolina completed 46 straight passes; shatters NCAA consecutive completions record (previously 29) and finished the game 53/56

11) Calling these “video game numbers” is an undersell. Newest “untouchable records Hall of Fame” member.

MLB

Brewers beat the pulp out of the Cubs in game one of their NLDS series; Crew wins 9-3, scoring all runs in the first two innings after allowing a lead off homerun

12) Cubs fans experienced hell on earth that day. The Brewers bats are freaking dangerous.

Blue Jays jump to quick 2-0 ALDS series lead over the Yankees behind Vald Jr’s onslaught of dingers; win 13-7 as Yankees pitching continues to downright suck

13) Sometimes money can’t buy happiness. Yankees pitchers got Cancun on the brain. Boone sucks.

Seattle ties their ALDS series with the Tigers 1-1 behind Polanco’s two dinger game off Skubal; late hitting propels Mariners to 3-2 win in battle of the aces

14) Skubal did what he needed to for Detroit. Mariners pitching was just slightly more unhittable.

F1

McLaren claims back-to-back Constructors’ Titles for first time since 1991

15) Wild success for a team enabling crippling amounts of contention and drama with their drivers.